Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alcohol. Show all posts

Sunday, April 13, 2008

My Fix


Tomorrow I let this tether go and send my moon careening off into space. Really I'm more the moon, and the earth - drugs, of course - is the one sending me careening off into the unknown. This is the speech of an addict, but I'm not really.

Tomorrow I go off Duties Not to Include Flying (DNIF), which means that the pills get tucked into cupboards and toilets and places the feds won't find when they raid my apartment. It's like Samson losing his hair. I suppose I could pray for healing, but then I've found the results henceforth to be rather unconvincing, steeped in mythological lore as I am, it hasn't provided one iota the relief of a pill or an IV or a shot of rum.

So, clean an free, start my clock. I've been sober now for at least 12 hours. It'll be 24 when I sign my sanity to the gods of flying status tomorrow, and from there we'll see. I still get periodic throbbings, swellings, and juicings from Mr. Socket, Dry, but there you have it; I'm a working man and I don't think I can get disability for constant oral discomfort. Maybe I should check on that, actually.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

For the Sake of the Alcoholics


The Patty's Day has been moved to Saturday.

More than anything else I'm Irish, I think. Something like 2/15ths at least. So this St. Patrick's day the hair's gone red, I'm sportin' the green slippers (which double as ninja turtle attire), and I get to spend the night defending the honor of my homeland in barfights and pugilist matches.

"Hey ginger." They'll say.
I don't respond.
"Hey you *@%!!& potato."
Still no response.
"The Irish guy in Braveheart was a fairy."
*Bam* a stunning right cross to his jaw. "Yeah? Why don't you go eat some spam!" I'll say, if he's a pacific islander. I haven't gotten it quite figured out as to what I'll say if he/she is any other ethinicity. If he's german I'll probably spout the words of some Rammstein and hope there are swear words in there.